2025 Notes Part 1: To be Present
“No… I cannot let this vanish away,” that’s what I thought to myself.
Where do I start? I have always carried a complicated relationship with responsibility — I despise it, yet once entrusted with it, I strive for perfection. I know myself well enough to recognize that my self-image demands nothing less than excellence. With this mindset, I threw myself into the preparation, determined to create something remarkable.
The journey, however, was anything but smooth. There were many heated arguments, disagreements flared, and tensions ran high. Yet, amidst the chaos, there was genuine, uninhibited laughter that reminded us why we were here in the first place. There were moments when our minds connected, when pure love and unity filled the air, making all the struggles worth it. I am highly thankful for each of my team members who has given me, a nobody, their trust. As someone who likes to do things on my own, I once realized that having people on your back changes everything. I can be twice, three times, or even one hundred times stronger than before. But regardless all of that, doubt was a constant companion for me. When things didn’t go as planned, I questioned myself, my abilities, and even the vision I had for this event.
In those moments of uncertainty, I was reminded of Something far greater than myself. I learned to surrender, to place my trust not just in my efforts but in the hands of Someone infinitely wiser and stronger. Too often, I forget that God is there, watching, guiding, and making the impossible possible. Like the miracle at Cana, where He turned water into wine, He transformed what I feared was a failure into a beautiful success. I only needed to do my best and let Him handle the rest. And He did — graciously, powerfully, perfectly.
Just like how I started this writing, I will always keep this in my mind. I cannot let this go away. This experience is an opportunity for me to grow into a better person, not for my own glory, but for His. I’ve come to understand my impatience with those who work at a different pace, and so I am learning patience. I’ve recognized my tendency to speak too quickly, and so I am learning to slow my thoughts, to breathe, and to be present. I’ve realized that I can be overly emotional when tensions rise, and so I am learning to regulate my emotions with grace.
Personally, this journey was never just about organizing an event — it was about shaping the person I am becoming. Through every challenge, disagreement, and doubt, I was refined. I stumbled, but I stood back up. I questioned, but I found my answers in surrender. And in the end, I saw how everything fell into place, not because of my strength alone, but because of His grace. I walk away from this experience not just with memories, but with a renewed heart; one that understands patience, listens more intentionally, and embraces the unexpected with trust. This is not the end but a step forward, a lesson I will carry as I continue growing, learning, and striving. [chtrn]
