‘Better Days’ with SuperM (Public Diary)
Disclaimer: this article is obviously subjective and based on my personal opinion about the song.
MY HEART jumped in excitement after I heard that SuperM’s first album, Super One, was finally released. I still remember vividly that my home was still under maintenance, so everything was covered in dust. The scorching heat of summer became worse since all I could do was staying in my 9 meters square room with one half-broken air cooler. That day was not my best day for sure. The inner me screamed due to the frustration.
But then there was a notification on my phone; telling me to open YouTube quickly because the live streaming will begin soon. In a flash, I left my works for that day on my working desk and ran to my bed to watch the MV of One (Monster & Infinity) on YouTube. Just like what I have expected, it was delightful; phenomenal; and spectacular! I was at a loss of words. I watched for like three times then moved to the SM Store website to see the album (even though at the end of the day, I cannot afford it).
The songs in the Super One are all amazing and well-composed. Just like Jopping, 100, and Tiger Inside, they are satisfying me. One and Drip, for sure, have beguiled me with their tempo and lyrics. But there is this one song that is really embedded in my heart which is Better Days. This might sound so classy because the pandemic is getting worse in Indonesia and I really need something to make me not feeling hopeless. Well, it can be true, but that is not the point. When I heard this song for the first time, I was writing my very first English novel. It is still unfinished, but that moment, I felt so hopeless.
I’ve been dreaming of becoming a writer who is known globally ever since I was in the sixth grade which means seven years ago. I have tried writing for so many times. When I was in middle school, I gave my first chapter of the novel that I wrote to my language teacher (she is also a writer). She read it, gave it to her sister who works as an editor, then called me to talk about my five-page story. “It was good. For a girl who’s still fourteen, it’s excellent. My sister said so,” was what she said. I felt so encouraged and sure that being a writer was not a dream anymore. I can do this!
With that positivity, I wrote. A lot. There are several novels that I can’t publish: The Red Thread, Pointless Radiance, and The Untold Story: Hardjanto Abiekoesno. Why didn’t I publish them? I mean, they are 100 pages A4 at least. In total, they are more than 300 pages. I thought so hard, did crazy research, and went through two-hours-sleep for months or even years for each book. Why do I lock them all in my cabinet? Because no one wants them! No publishing company wants to read my books. I’ve tried to go to some small company, but they give me the same rejection. That made me hopeless, unworthy until the point when I finally questioned my path. Can I really be a writer?
This feeling changed a bit when I won a writing competition during the last year of high school. I started to feel like this is my moment. But again, failures kept coming. I could not feel proud of myself anymore because I knew how bad my competitors were and the fact that I won the first place was totally understandable. Look, I’m not trying to show up or something like that, but they were really bad. It’s not like, the idea of their stories of anything, they couldn’t even use the right punctuation! Can you imagine that?!
The dream of me becoming a writer gradually disappears as I entered college. The thought that I should be more serious about my future kept coming and I really thought that I’m not as talented as what I thought I am. Finally, giving up was the best choice. I’ve completely forgotten about being a writer until COVID hits.
We all know how boring it is to stay at home. I got nothing to do during my summer holiday and decided to write my dream about being an unmarried grown-up (everyone who knows me well will know what I’m saying). I change my name to Park Ji-Yeon which is Gummy’s real name. In the beginning, I just think about how my life will be in, let’s say, ten years. But then, out of the blue, everything became so serious. I am obsessed with the story, characters, and emotions.
When Better Days met my ears, I knew right away we are meant to be together. It gives me a big hope to be a writer. I start to think about my dream that I’ve buried because I was afraid to face another failure. In the chorus, it says, “Just gotta hold on. I know that it hurts but the sun will shine through.” I like that part the most. I know it’s hard for now, it will be hurt when I face many rejections from the publishing companies, but I know that there are going to be better days for me.
Lots of love for SuperM
